No One Warned Me?!

For years, I perfected my mind-your-business mantra to deal with things that had nothingto do with me. When I was younger, that's all I had to do. In some ways, I believed I could focus on one thing, and have an existence that was unaffected by the decisions or thinking of other people or things. For example, during high school I studied [or didn’t] and tried to do well, and more-or-less stayed out ofdrama. My only objective, at that time, was to get to college. The focused approach was clear; however, it continues to grow foggy as I step into adulthood and independence.  Unlike before, now I have to filter through family business, life-changing decisions,  and the stacking dimensions of myself. 

I remember moments when I would stare at the stars, trees and clouds rolling by finding similarities between myself, and all that was above. I would listen to other people talk about their experiences, and be fascinated at our distinct differences; and the capacity of the earth to facilitate innumerable existences. In retrospect, I realize that was only my awakening to the various pieces of humanity . I was finally wrapping my mind around what I thought I knew, and itmoved on. I was met with this next stage I call, The Web.

The Web is all of the pieces of my life, that weren't there before. My big girl job, school – which has completely transformed, and all these other pieces of independence I didn’t know existed. There is so much to navigate through and around, and the focused approach doesn't address the growing demands and needs of me. At some points I just look up like, "Really, God?" The less I understand about something, I just call it a growth opportunity. Thus far, not fully knowing what's going on hasn't been a bad thing. Even though it is absolutely exasperating, my only option is faith.

An easily visible growth opportunity happened afew weeks ago, I tried to make my work and school schedule separately - thinking that's what work-life balance meant. When I would try to check my schedule for a meeting I'd have to look at two calendars, which was inefficient – it took more time and I always missed something. When I had to merge my schedule back together, I said, "God, I get it." I can't separate myself into these sections and call it organization. School, work , sadness, happiness, diligence or fatigue all come from the same place; and I have to appreciate and acknowledge them all. So, I try something, get a result and re-target. It's not simple, and that's ok. It's satisfying.